The Record Crate

Kanye, I wish I had it in me to be mad at you. What you did to Taylor Swift last night was abominable. Just because you think you’re the most fashion forwardest rapper alive, doesn’t mean you can act like a little bitch when a girl who looks phenomenal in short skirts and high heels wins. I don’t know if anyone told you, but Beyonce is married homie. I mean she doesn’t have the brightest dude in the game, but at least he’s not going to run up on stage when Lady GaGa beats out Brittney Spears next year. Come to think of it…what award would they be up against one another for? Biggest Space Shots Alive? But I digress:

Here are some things you can focus on, now that your music career has tanked. The Record Crate’s Career Management Center has compiled a quick list of new professions and hobbies for you. You might have to go back to spending your gas money on clothes with logos, but that’s what public transportation’s for.

• You could be a Fortune Cookie Writer. Things like “Your fans will abandon you this week (in bed)” could be your first money maker.
• Judging by this outfit, you’d be a great Rodeo Clown.

• Maybe you could also test parachutes for the military. With any luck you’ll get a faulty one and stop breathing.

Moral of this story: take your auto-tuning, piss-poor rhyming, ego-stroking, jaw-wired-shut complaining bad attitude and give it to someone who cares. But good luck finding that person. I’ma let you finish, but TAYLOR SWIFT IS A SAINT.

yessir