The Record Crate

Dear H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A:

You said these immortal words once. I think you missed the memo, though, that you have to actually leave in order for these words to bear any signifigance. Not that I mind you still being here or anything, though you did collab with Linkin Park. Which, although ground breaking, is like nails on a chalkboard to me. You’ve laid the Blueprints (get it?) for the rap industry’s buldings and now you feel as though it needs a new home. So you want to release the Blueprint 3, but you feel like you might have lost relevance. You can only rap about the hood, ho’s and coke so much as a street-retired middle aged dude.

Oh wait…You have an in to the people now. I respect your work ethic. So much so that I can say, for the first time ever, that I’m anticipating how your track with MGMT will sound. Honestly, I’ve never eagerly anticipated any of your releases. I’ve always basically figured that your music would be on point, catchy and timeless. Most of the time I’ve been right. You made waves recently by releasing a song that basically have the big middle finger to every popular rapper in the game by saying auto-tune is over used and pointless. I mean, no offense, but you’re not telling me anything I didn’t already know. Though, maybe they’ll listen to you. After all, I’m a white kid from the ‘burbs.

MGMT has been dubbed “The Band Everyone Wishes They Were In” and just about everyone who has spat a rhyme-be it drunk in a bar or by themselves in their room late at night (okay so those are both examples of myself)-has wished they had your talent and ear for catchy beats. I hope that two rights make a righteous, instead of a wrong. It’s happened before. I’ll reference your Linkin Park collab once again. They probably sound good to someone, though most of their fans are huge into meth so I can see a correlation. You know how to make a buck and the dopest of props are due. However, you are also rapping alongside Drake. And honestly, what the hell is the big deal with this guy? He was on Degrassi. How does he have any street cred at all? When people talk about him, I think they’re referencing Draco Malfoy of Harry Potter fame. I don’t follow Harry Potter and I refuse to listen to Drake. Maybe you’ll change my mind and maybe I’ll never listen to another one of your songs again. I guess the choice is yours. But you’re so ridiculously famous, I guess your fans are expendable.

Here’s the deal J. I’m going to buy your new CD. I’ve not bought a physical CD since the last time the country was in the shitter (basically the 1930s), but I have a bit of faith in you. I want to see how you transition your rhymes into the hipster realm. Drake, I’m not doing this for you and I’m not supporting you by supporting J. I’m all about MGMT. I’m all about them opening for McCartney at Fenway in August. Basically I’m all about great music. The Hov is included in my definition of great music.

So Jay, I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom: No pressure, but don’t mess this one up. Rhyme like your sex life with Beyonce depends on it. If it all works out, you’ll have 99 problems but losing a white boy as a fan won’t be one.

<3

The Record Crate